Chapter 7 - Introversion

 

Introversion

Solitude matters. And for some people, it's the air they breathe.

~ Susan Cain.

Well, this one is right in my wheelhouse, so buckle up. We're going to dispel a lot of myths and fact check a lot of facts this time. And, yes, there is another chapter starting with "I" coming up after this one. And while it has some links to this one, it will stand apart as it's own chapter. And the same applies to this chapter - somewhat linked to the last chapter, but one that can quite easily stand on it's own. And I don't think anything else can describe introversion perfectly - somewhat linked to the people around, but can easily stand on his/her own.

First of all, to clear the air, no. Introverts are not shy, we are selective. We are not alone by force, we are alone by choice. We don't want to go to parties thrown by people we hardly know, but we would definitely like an invite. And we don't all hate talking. Most of us are awesome at it, be it privately or publicly. We just chose not to, if given an option. And lastly, to deal with the worst of it all, those people who think that introversion is a disease and needs to be cured, no. Just no. I am not going to even dignify this myth with a proper explanation. You are just wrong. Tell an extrovert to shut up and try some self reflection and introspection, then we'll talk. 

And while these were some of the more straightforward misconceptions about the personality trait we call introversion, there are some that need to be dealt with and analyzed in detail to see what we are like. One of them is that introverts always prefer to be alone. In an ideal world, kinda. But this isn't an ideal world and we still do crave a proper and authentic connection with a FEW people. So, we wouldn't mind the occasional meet and greet. Key word being occasional. Another one is that we don't like to go out of our house. Again, not true. Give us a window seat on a train/bus and our headphones and we'll be golden for life. The truth is, we don't take much time to gather all we want from a public place and exhaust our battery. And believe me, recharging that battery is as important as oxygen for us. And lastly, the ones who think that they can decide who's an introvert by seeing who is sitting in one corner of the room alone, away from the action, that is true only if we've exhausted our battery. If we are fully charged, we have no hesitation being the life of the party for as long as possible. Then again, like I said above, if given an option, we'd prefer staying quiet.
To be honest, if I sit here to make sure we're clear about the myths surrounding introverts, this chapter will become a two part chapter and that'll mean that there are three chapters starting with I. And I is not my favorite letter. Which is why I want to focus on the link this has with the previous chapter and what we introverts actually are like. And while the latter is my own opinionated rant, the former is something I'd like to thank KB for.  

The focal point of the last chapter was the tumult caused by the differences of the heart and the brain. And I think we can all agree on the fact that such battles occur almost only when we're left alone with our thoughts. And as an introvert, time alone with our thoughts is the definition of paradise. This is where it gets tricky, af. Because as someone who loves alone time, only to engage in a civil war during that time, this area is either hypocritical and makes us walk on eggshells, or it's peace and quiet achieved due to ages of analysis, trial and errors ending in an accomplishment which is grossly underrated. In simpler words, alone time is what we introverts love. And in that alone time, the heart and the brain start(or resume) their battle which results in the destruction that was discussed at length in the last chapter. So, what's the trick? How do we get the alone time we want, without it causing a war? Especially for the ones who love alone time, the ones who have a lot of it, and the ones who want it, but hate it only because of the battle that ensues during said time.

If you want the simplest, easiest answer (which is also a topic that I'll talk about for the letter "T") it's time. You need time to get used to the perils and pleasures of alone time and selective introversion. Time to get used to the fact that the heart and the brain will fight, they will cause damage and that the wounds will need time to heal. Time to process the fact that you will lose friends and that will, eventually, seem like a choice you should have made sooner. But it's not just time. Even the simple answer requires you to take efforts. Just sitting idly by and letting months pass while you do nothing about what happens will get you nowhere. What is necessary is to work through it. Even if it means doing it by yourself, you do it. Cause in the end, that's all you have. Yourself. 

Damn, that got very dark, very soon. If this is the easy answer, what's the tough one? The tough one requires changes. Personality, schedule and whatnot. It requires you to become a busy introvert, one that doesn't have alone time until and unless it's absolutely necessary. And as I have learnt through recent experience, it's not that tough. Especially with a stable internet connection and a subscription to Netflix, Prime and Hotstar. And friends who understand. And while that may be a luxury, unaffordable to some, there is always an option to develop a hobby. And while I know such an advice is about 11 months too late, something as simple as writing random, stupid stuff on a blog, with no apparent goal and going in an order that makes you miss the majority of topics can also help a lot. And I say that from experience. 

The fact of the matter is, introversion isn't just the desire to be alone, it's the plethora of benefits that it leads to. 

Better to be alone and control your life the way you want to, than to be with someone who drags you along for their own reassurance while they're unsure about what to do.

~ Oscar Wilde.

And if I'm being honest, yes, I am biased when it comes to this, but knowledgably biased. It's my own personal experiences, some fresh, some old, coupled with the repercussions of the decisions I've taken that have led me to the conclusion. Introversion is not a problem. The unwillingness to attend random social gatherings, the desire to be cooped up, to use the harsh term that is often used, and the ability to enjoy without others is, in it's own way, a sign of mental stability. And as rude as that sounds, it's the scientifically proven truth. And if you wish to fact check that, go read about the lives that the greatest minds in the last 500 years have lived, and you'll see why they were being treated as outcasts, because that's what I did in my alone time. Besides, even if this doesn't do anything, as long as this reaches out to that one person who's being an introvert because it's the trend and thereby jumping on the bandwagon, maybe he/she can see what this actually entails, and how sacrilegious their act is. And even if this doesn't reach them, I have faith in my fellow introverts. And because the people responsible for the next chapter are largely extroverts. No, not largely. All extroverts. And yes, I will, for the rest of my life(God knows how long that'll be) continue to take it out on all of you. Why? You'll see in the next chapter. Until then, as always, opinions are welcome, criticism is slightly less welcome and looking forward to seeing you in the next one. It's gonna be SUPER heavy.

~ Udit Gor.