Don’t
walk away from negative people. Run!
~ Mark
Twain.
You know, I
never thought things would get here. I’d started this blog with the sole intention
of talking about the big topics. The confusing and messy ones that would
require me tackling them before I wrote about them. And to some extent, that
has been the case. Some of the topics have been “messy.” But every so often, I
come across something so simple and straightforward, that I have to smack
myself for not seeing what has been staring at me. And negativity, or dealing
with negativity at least, is one of those “you see but do not observe” moments that
Sherlock would chide me for. So yes, this one is fairly elementary (last
Sherlock reference, I promise) and much more guileless than the previous
chapters. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t tackled negativity. In fact, I’ve
tackled enough to last a lifetime.
The problem
with negativity is that it’s a mindset, more than a situation. It's not
something that you can solve just by looking at it and coming up with solutions.
It is something that you have to evolve out of. And that is what makes this an
issue to be talked about. Negativity takes up place inside your head and makes
a home there. It comes in with a prospect of staying on rent and has no longer
than an 11-month agreement. But slowly, it starts spreading its vile influence
on the tenants next to it. It affects joy, optimism, hope and all the others,
and before you know it, they all get so polluted and corrupted, that they
themselves refuse to let it leave. And as we had talked about in previous
chapters, the problem with adopting detrimental mindsets is that once you get
used to them, they become a part of your personality and become so entrenched,
that getting rid of them feels like losing a part of your personality, of your
own self. And so, you let the toxicity run rampant in your own head, usurping
the places good qualities used to take.
The first
thing negativity hits is hope. The very basis of hope is that it is a positive
quality to its core. There’s nothing despicable or abominable about hope. Which
is why, sometimes, it’s the easiest target. We, as humans, are unable to stay
in the present. We either dream about the future or reminisce about the past.
And with hope gone, we start thinking about the past, which negativity draws
its strength from. Once you start thinking too much about the past, you lose
joy. You get nostalgic, dwell about the “what ifs” and start drawing
unnecessary comparisons between the past and the present, scaring yourself in
the present about taking any bold, trusting steps. And the last thing you lose,
is your best defense against cynicism. The very opposite of negativity –
positivity. You lose your sunny disposition and you become a cesspool of
despair and despondence, you make it difficult and tiresome for people to stick
around for too long and voila, all you have left now is you, your negativity
and your corrupt brain.
Well, that
took a dark turn, didn’t it? Too dark, I think. Let’s shine some light. First
of all, let’s get to the depths here. What is negativity? Well, if Mr. Eckhart
Tolle is to be heard, “all negativity comes from is an accumulation of ill
spent time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress and
worry – all forms of fear – come from too much future, not enough present.
Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness and bitterness – all forms of
anger – come from too much past, not enough present.” I know it’s a bit
verbose, but it does stand true if you think about it. Negativity makes you
unable to look at the future without seeing the possible good, and makes you
look at the past and only see the hurtful bad. And I know that “focus on the
present” is a quote that is VERY overused, but maybe cliches are cliches,
because they work.
The problem
with negativity and the corrupt mind it brews is that it shuts you off. To
others, yes, but that is not always bad. What’s bad is that it shuts you off to
yourself. It makes you a shriveled husk of yourself, reducing you to nothing
but a disdainful, distrusting and derisive dumbass, who sees nothing but the
worst, does nothing but the worst and hopes for nothing but the worst.
Bitterness increases at a pace higher than that of a Maglev, and the people who
become locked in bitterness sometimes, wish to find someone, anyone to blame
for their grief. The giant leap here, is that you have no one but yourself to
blame. Life, in itself, is a struggle. Being negative makes an already
difficult journey more tiresome. Life will give you a cactus, but you don’t
have to sit on it. I mean, if life gives you a lemon and you squeeze it in your
own eye, that’s just dumb.
So. The solution. Well, the good thing is, negativity is hardly self-concocted. It is not something you can come up with on your own. It’s either given to you by people, by situations, or both. And the simple, though easier said than done thing to do is to avoid them. I mean, I’m in support of avoiding all people in general, but this time I’m talking about a certain class. For one, negative people are like Anderson. When they talk, they lower the IQ of the whole street (This was the last reference, I swear). And secondly, being around negative people, is like being in a ship in the sea. The minute you let the water get on the ship, you drown. And to avoid these people, you need to spot them.
How? Simple.
First of all, these people only hear what suits them. And they listen only to
respond, not to comprehend. They'll have a problem for every solution (yes, not
the other way around) and they’re happy only when they’re at the same level as
you. You make progress, and they will pull you down. Don’t surround yourself
with people whose collective mental acuity reaches your chest. (In my case, she
herself hardly reached my chest, but that’s a different story.) Understand,
they will make it difficult for you. They’ll say stuff that is like clickbait.
Only show, no substance. Look at them and be Clark Gable. Say, “frankly, my
dear, I don’t give a damn” and move on. Now, you can be the bigger person, and try
to help them come out of their negativity. It’s a Herculean task, and believe
me, I know. Because, for one, those who spend time looking for faults in
others, rarely spend time to correct their own. And two, helping them is like
tending to someone with a communicable disease. There’s a huge chance you will
catch it, too. The simpler, easier approach is to free yourself from them.
Spend time with nice people, who are smart, driven and like-minded. Friends who
are proud to know you, family that admires you and loved ones who make your day
bright by merely being in it. And while you cannot control how negative people
behave, you can control how long you participate in that behavior with them.
As for
negative situations, they’re generally less difficult to avoid. They don’t
emotionally blackmail you or say stuff that makes you want to punch them. Like
I’d said, negativity is a mindset. You train your mind to see the good in
everything and life becomes that much more effortless. You surround yourself
with upbeat and cheerful people, and you start seeing situations in a bit
rosier way. Everyone should smile. Life really isn’t that serious. We make it
that way. The sun rises, the sun sets. We just tend to complicate the things
that happen between these two. Besides, should you ever find yourself the
victim of other people’s bitterness, cynicism, spitefulness and pettiness,
remember one thing – It could be worse. You could be them.
Well, that
was that. I know I said it was going to be straightforward one, but it did get
a bit too dark at times. I realise that I am not at all staying true to the
promise of posting more regularly, but what can I do? I spent the last two
months clawing myself out of negativity. And what’s worse is that it wasn’t
even mine. Anyway, I’ve dealt with “N”, “O” doesn’t really have a plethora of
good words and all I can think of with “P” is pessimism, which would be kind of
redundant after this. So, as for now, the next topic is Racism (I know) unless
inspiration strikes me out of nowhere. Or I end things with someone. You never
know. As always, suggestions are welcome, criticism is slightly less welcome,
and until the next time, stay safe and stay happy.
~ Udit Gor.
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