Chapter 6 - Heart v/s Brain

 

Heart v/s Brain

The human heart. Anatomically speaking, an organ that pumps blood, ergo the organ that keeps you alive. Metaphorically speaking, it means a number of things. It is synonymous for love, courage, character, nature, and it is the driver of majority of our decisions and, quite literally, the epicenter of all that we experience. In other words, the human heart does what nothing else can do - it feels. And as someone who has, for his whole life, preferred stone cold facts, hard logic and sheer reasoning above all, it fits to say that the modus operandi of the human heart has been nothing less than perplexing. And that is why I want to talk about it. 

To break down the workings of our heart, we need to first break down what we relate our heart to. Whenever it comes to statistical, factual, analytical and numerical data, we go to our brain. The data processor of our body. But whenever it comes to emotional, sentimental and nostalgic information, it is the heart we turn to. Because for eons now, we have thought of our heart as nothing but the one place of our body that doesn't think, as opposed to the brain, who doesn't feel. And that is what causes battles and wars between the two. 

There have been countless occasions where I, and maybe you as well, have been in the battle where one of the organ wins, but no matter which one it is, you always lose. You either let go of someone and take the high road, ergo the brain winning, or you hold on to someone even if it hurts you, ergo the heart winning. But you always lose. You either lose the person, or you lose yourself. Not to mention the pain and stress that ensues during the battle which you can not stop. There's no peace treaty, no armistice, no possible way in which you can reach a compromise. 

And the matter I wish to touch upon now, is the battle. The brain has always been a reliable ally, supporting my analysis with facts and figures and being a databank of statistics that apply in the most apt manner. The problem is the organ in the ribcage, the one that feels. The heart is the one which, to me at least, has always been and will always be, a mystery. It hopes beyond all hope, presumes everyone to be their best at all times, and the one who, quite frankly, doesn't really think that much. Of course, that isn't what it is supposed to do. It's the brain's job, and the brain doesn't feel because that's the heart's job. But the problem arises when a decision needs to be taken, and as always, both of these organs are on the opposing sides. And both opinions are of paramount importance, tantamount in stature and yet so different, that it makes matters worse. And neither of them is ready to yield. To compromise. And you know what's the worst part? It's that "listen to everyone but do what you want to" doesn't apply here, because you, yourself want two conflicting things. So, what do we do? Who do we listen to?

To be honest with you, I am probably the worst person to ask that question to. As someone who has always emerged from this battle with the maximum possible scarring, highest amount of collateral damage and has taken the decision at the last possible moment, I could probably, nay, definitely give you the worst possible solution. Then why did I choose this topic? Easy. It's because I have a lot to say about this. 

First of all, the emotional toll that this battle takes on you, can not simply be put into words. The damage this causes, can not be measured in any units. And the doubt of "what am I losing for this?" (opportunity cost, for all my CA friends) the minute you make a decision, is what makes it practically impossible to make a decision, as was observed in chapter 2-4 of this blog. And most importantly, the stakes are real. There is an actual loss involved in the process, either of a person or of yourself, and sometimes there comes a point, where both the person and you are of equal importance, making it even tougher. So, what do we do to avoid all of this?

If you think the answer is to always favor one organ over the other, then you might be mistaken. I've seen people always go logically and listen to their brain, and see them end up alone, labelled selfish and cold-hearted while I've seen the ones preferring their heart, lose themselves in the process of always being there for other people. The former loses people, while the latter loses their own identity. Conversely, if you think the answer is to find a balance, I'd say that is quite impossible. You're bound to favor one of the two, based on a plethora of factors ranging from your own experiences to the experiences of the main lead of the TV show you're currently watching. 

And to be honest with you, there is no formula. No set of directions you can follow to reach the correct answer. You speak your mind, you appear heartless. You speak from your heart, you appear thoughtless. You wish to include both of them, you say nothing, because you can't decide what to say. What to choose. And, as I said, I am the worst person to ask this. I've favored my heart and stayed at places and with people I should have left the minute I saw the first red flag and I've left basing it on my past experiences, using my head and regretted it later. 

And that is why, the only thing I wish to convey from my rants(yes, that's what I'm calling this blog now) is that there is nothing wrong in taking a decision based on one of the two, ignoring the other. Nothing wrong with using your past experiences to think what it will be like and protecting yourself. Nothing wrong with ignoring your past experiences and being the most naïve and trusting idiot in the whole world. There is nothing wrong in taking your time and carefully analyzing every available option, and no one has the right to serve you ultimatums and restrict your time frame while you battle with yourself. It's all up to you. Listen to your heart, and think of the next opportunity as something totally different from what you've ever had. Listen to your brain and don't let the person in until you're completely sure about them. Do what suits you best, and understand that there is no timetable, no rules you're supposed to follow, no one you're supposed to listen to(yes, I see how ironic it makes this) and no one you're supposed to think about except your own heart and brain. Let them fight it out, let them decide and listen to it. Because no matter how tough they make things, they are only looking out for themselves, and thereby looking out for you. 

To conclude, I'd just like to say that I know this took a very TedTalk like ending. The only reason for it ending like this is because I had an exact same epiphany while in the middle of this as I thought of asking people about this battle between heart and brain that is currently going on inside me, as I decide between what to write with the letter "I" because there are two choices in front of me. I can write both, but that would mean you'll have to read more of such boring rants, but....Meh. 

Opinions are welcome, criticism is slightly less welcome, and if this does not feel like a very good piece, understand that I've been out of practice for almost 6 months. 

Hoping you liked it, and looking forward to seeing you in the next one.

~ Udit Gor.