Chapter 3 - Decisions

Decisions

It is not our abilities that show us what we truly are; it is our choices.

~ Albus Dumbledore.

I'm going to start this chapter with an honest confession. As soon as I realized that I have not only decided to start a series of interconnected chapters, but also give people advice, I understood that I dug quite a hole for myself. And for a solid 12 hours, it was hysteria and panic inside my head. It was precisely after I had a nice night's sleep when I realized that the reason most decisions don't last long is because of this feeling. We think that the immediate repercussions of our choices are going to be the lasting results and we lose our composure. And that is what I want to focus on in this chapter.

However, first things first. Before we move over to the backlash of our decisions, we first have to decide on something. And that something is deciding whether someone is worthy of a question. We've all heard that to get the right answers, we need to ask the right questions and we've also decided how to ask the right question. But the question is do we even ask the question? Do we take the jump? Well, 8/10 times the past is a wonderful teacher. Their answers to the simplest questions you ask them can often be indicative of their answers to the toughest questions you can ask them. 

And regarding the remaining 2/10 times, where either the question you ask becomes a trigger switch to a plethora of past unresolved issues, or hits a nerve, or is simply too much for the person to fathom, all you can do is explain to the person the reasoning you have behind asking a question that causes pain or agony like this and hope that they understand your view point. And if they don't? Well, then they didn't deserve the question. And you don't need to give yourself agony over not getting the answer you needed by thinking about how you could have approached the situation differently. Believe me, for I speak from experience when I say, no matter which approach you had tried, sometimes you don't get the things you want in the way you want them. 

Well, moving on. We've dealt with one of the many things humans are afraid of - answers. The second one would be the title of this chapter. Taking decisions. Making choices. What is it that makes it so hard to make a choice? Maybe because once done, it's done. It's the irreversible nature of many of our choices that make it so difficult to make a selection. Moreover, its the immediate result of our choices that make us feel queasy inside. It becomes awkward and uncomfortable and we hate the feeling of losing something or someone you value so much just because you had to make a tough call. In a minute or two, we forget the causes of this decision and start focusing on the effects. Every single analysis done before taking this decision goes out of the window and the immediate response of someone to our choice takes over the actual long term benefit to be derived from said choice.  

This is why most decisions don't stand the test of time. The minute something goes wrong, we stop looking at the big picture we had so meticulously painted and start looking at the things we want to see and convince ourselves out of a good choice, merely because of a minuscule unrest. So, what is to be done? How do we deal with this oscillating nature? 

Again, drawing from personal experience, the same happened at this end. When I made the choice I did at the end of chapter 2, I thought about closing this blog, thought that I should stop writing, I'm in no place or state of mind to give people advice, or that I should just apologize for taking such a big step in the opening chapters of my blog. In other words, I was in disarray. So, what'd I do? I'm here and so is this chapter. What changed?

Simple. I took some time off. Engaged myself in other activities. Took a step back, and looked at this from the eyes of not a person who is supposed to write this, but as someone who wants to write this. I stopped thinking of what I did, and thought about why I did it. Thought of the variety of reasons and the number of people who pushed me to not just express my views, but express them with a certain amount of confidence in myself, and that's when I knew, this is something I've done for my own good. And to a considerable extent, the same formula applies to decisions. The difficult, heart-wrenching ones. Not the ones where you bought a tacky t-shirt or a pair of uncomfortable shoes. You're on your own there. 

And that's what it is, more often than not. A disorganized brain not thinking clearly, merely because of the rush of emotions it is feeling. The adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin if it's a decision that's happy and relieving, causing a surge of emotions that hamper your capacity to remember the reason you did what you did in the first place. And when that happens, you don't panic, you don't go back on your words. You distance yourself(no corona joke intended) and think about the causes that made you take such a step in the first place. Re-assure yourself that you have done this for your own good, for your own peace of mind, and not worry about the people angle of it all. 

But it matters, doesn't it? We, as a species, crave public acceptance and approval. We take a decision, and we decide to stand true to it. But the society, the people, and sometimes our own loved ones decide what is right for us, taunt us for it, and not only threaten to, but actually break the already shaky pillars on which our choice stands. And then you are left with nothing, but a decision that you've been forced to regret and a myriad of people all with their own advice and suggestions. And that is when fear creeps in. And it is a chemical worse than adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin put together. Makes your knees shake. 

And now, again, despite the series of activities that occurred before this chapter, I leave this chapter to not only be connected the next one, but also end it with a question. How do we deal with the fear following our decision? Again, a simple answer. Next chapter.

~ Udit Gor.